The Importance of Purple Hair

AvatarThis is my avatar on a site I share with writing friends. A while back, I changed my hair from brown to purple, just having fun, and then the jokes started about the power of the hair. Well, this week the purple hair feels limp and faded. “Bad” stuff has happened, but because of my commitment to live as if all things are possible, I did my best to embrace the experience.

My theory for this choice: if I fully feel my sadness instead of trying to force it into becoming happiness, and feel the loss and betrayal instead of trying to deny it, then I’ll move through the emotional shock faster. This meant no hiding from the sadness, no making futile efforts to make things appear better than they are, no pretending that the situation isn’t serious, plus accepting that my relationship with someone I love may never recover. It was (is) hard. I felt old and tired, beaten and dejected, like a big lump sluffing around. Believe me, it was uglier than it even sounds.

However, by yesterday morning, it seemed like I may have chosen wisely. I felt lighter and slightly more energized than the days before. I was still really sad, but still, life seemed a touch sunnier.

Then today, after encouragement from my husband and friends, I went for a walk in the rain – and had an epiphany. This is it:

When things get tough like this, I need to remember to set my own value and not react to the value others put on me. I need to treat myself kindly and take care of myself psychologically, spiritually, and physically, to keep myself strong during challenging times. Just as important, I need to do if for the right reason. If I try to patch up my psyche just so I can be of further use to others, I’ll always be weaker than if I do it out of self respect and self care.

And finally, I need to remember that I may never have a good relationship with this person – because she chooses her own value and her own life path. She may never accept me. Her choices are hers, mine are mine, and our individual value is not determined by anyone but ourselves. While it really hurts to think she may never want me in her life, her choice is not a statement on who I am.

Since I choose my own value, I’ll try to see myself honestly as I work to be my best self – and maintain that bright, shiny purple hair, of course – even when things get tough. Fingers crossed.

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I am living this year with the view that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. What this year may include: growth in living without past resentments and programing, overcoming fears, achieving career goals, developing stronger, more loving relationships, and acting with more open kindness (click here to read an amazing true story of kindness). You have just read my Week 7.  Thank you!

Posted in Living As If All Things Are Possible, Random Thoughts, Reflections, Ups and Downs and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

7 Comments

  1. Ugh, so sorry you’re going through this–but also weirdly grateful. I needed these exact words and insight today and your post resonates with me more than you could possibly know–and I totally agree that _feeling_ our feelings is the best way to not get mired down in them long term, but man, it’s hard sometime (and like you expressed, often much uglier than it sounds). Thank you so much for sharing so candidly–and being so wise and encouraging/inspiring.

    I think I’m going to post the following two quotes on my fridge or in my office for a while:

    “If I try to patch up my psyche just so I can be of further use to others, I’ll always be weaker than if I do it out of self respect and self care.”

    “She chooses her own value and her own life path. She may never accept me. Her choices are hers, mine are mine, and our individual value is not determined by anyone but ourselves.”

    May your purple hair shine forever!

    • That really sucks that you understand so well, Ev. It’s a character builder, eh?

      May the “purple” shine on, even in the dark!

  2. I’m sorry for how you felt, Ang, but you’ve found great wisdom here and I’m grateful you’ve shared it with us.

    I adore your purple hair!

  3. I’m lucky enought that I’m not going through anything right now but I have to say I wish I had your insight when I was going through sucky issues. You are so courageous to share so openly and I thank you for that. I’m glad that having the strength to stay with your emotions, to accept what you were feeling, allowed you to come out the other side.

    It is so difficult to separate ourself from others perceptions of us. You hit the nail on the head with this: “our individual value is not determined by anyone but ourselves. While it really hurts to think she may never want me in her life, her choice is not a statement on who I am.” This really sums it up, we feel pain because the other person doesn’t want/love/need/appreciate us, or they see us differently to what we see ourselves as. But most often their perception of us comes so heavily filtered through the lense of who they are, what they’ve been through, what they believe their needs are that they are not seeing us. They are seeing ‘us’ only in terms of how we affect them. It’s all about them. Only we hear their words and worry that we are somehow to blame, if only we were different/had done something differently. I personally have to fight feeling like I’ve failed if I can’t “fix” the problem. To keep knowledge of our individual value in the face of that kind of onslaught is terrifyingly difficult so I get back to kudos to you, Ang. For living it, for articulating it, for sharing it. Thank you.

    • Thank you for your wisdom here, Barb. And thank you again for encouraging me to get out in nature. It’s a great stress reliever, and I don’t know why I keep forgetting that. I guess there is always the temptation to recluse and hibernate when things get hard, but I need to remember that a clear head and inspiration may be just a walk away.

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